VH1’s Shit-List

Just when we were beginning to forget about the last decade of crappy music and moving onward towards a new decade of  different crappy music, VH1 had to go and release their list of the “100 Greatest Songs Of the ’00s“.  Now, being the connoisseur of music that I am, I rarely pay attention to anything VH1 or MTV have to say.  Neither of these entities has had an original thought in  20 or 30 years.  But this time, I couldn’t hardly let them get away with their assessment of “Greatest”.

Spoiler alert, a Pop-Star takes the #1 spot!

Beyonce takes the top spot as being the greatest song of the ’00s with Crazy In Love.  Actually, she shares that spot with Jay Z because she wasn’t quite great enough to do it on her own.

And of course, Lady Gaga, Kelly Clarkson, Rhianna, Christina Aguilera, and Shakira help to round out this diverse list of shit.  There is hardly any real music on this list.  Take away all the Rap, the Pop-Star manufactured crap, and the male whores trying to get the ladies to like them (see Gavine DeGraw, James Blunt) and you’re left with some mostly decent music.  In fact, here it is.  Based on the bands and artists that VH1 has provided, I’ve narrowed it down to the 15 Greatest Songs of  the ’00s (best to worst).

1. Johnny Cash – Hurt
This song is awesome because, simply, Johnny Cash is a world-class BAMF.  I don’t even mind the fact that he covered a once-great-now-crappy band’s song.

2. The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army
This is, was, and always will be an awesome song.  There are two reasons why: The White Stripes were awesome and the guitar in this song sounds fantastic (although if it were me, I would have picked “Icky Thump”).

3. OK Go – Here it Goes Again
This was a pretty good song.  The video was even better (treadmill choreography is underrated).

4. Plain White T’s – Hey there, Delilah
This song was really really good, until they killed it by over-playing it.  I was fortunate enough to get to see Plain White T’s at the Creepy Crawl in St. Louis before they were ever big, and they played Delilah.  As soon as I heard it, I whipped out a piece of paper and a marker and scribbled down the name of the song.  It was amazing live, and even more amazing how everyone stayed quiet throughout the entire song.

5. 3 Doors Down – Kryptonite
Ya, ya, ya.  I know.  Nobody likes these guys anymore.  Do you remember the crap we were listening to when they came out, though?  This song was brilliant.  Good guitars, nice beat, good vocals.  Shut ‘yer pie-holes.

6. Taylor Swift – You Belong to Me
Yup.  MarsBands knowns good music when we hear it, even if it isn’t necessarily our “cup of tea”, so to speak. The facts are that Miss Swift writes, sings, and plays her own music.  She has an amazing voice.  She didn’t have that idiot Kanye West killed after he interrupted her at the VMA Awards (even though she has plenty of money to make it happen and look like an “accident”).

7. Carrie Underwood – Before He Cheats
Again, I know, I know.  A Pop-Star making the list?  I hate American Idol more than anyone, but firstly, Carrie has a very powerful voice.  She sings Country music, so she isn’t appealing to the Pop-crazed idiots of America (even though on Idol she kinda already did…).  And lastly, she sells out performances and sells millions of albums all while keeping her clothes on.  I bet Lady Gaga couldn’t do that.

8. Nickelback – How You Remind Me
I liked this band before they ever made it big.  Everybody knows their album Silver Side Up, but their album The State is what got me interested in them. Songs like Leader of Men and Breathe were great.  Then How You Remind Me came out and I liked it.  And as always it was overplayed, I began to hate it and the band, and then Nickelback sold out.

9. Alicia Keys – Fallin 
Ha Ha.  Are you completely confused?  Honestly, if it was any other song I wouldn’t have dared add her to the list.  However, I enjoyed her vocal performance in the song.  Quite soulful, Aretha-esque.  And at least in the video everyone is fully clothed and Alicia is playing a piano…

10. Linkin Park – In The End
Linkin Park, how you’ve confused me over the years.  Starting off as a Beastie Boys wanna-be rapper-without-‘tude, Linkin Park eventually started making decent music.  I like many other songs of theirs more than In The End, but they weren’t on VH1’s list, of course.  The song isn’t bad, though.

11. Creed – With Arms Wide Open 
Ugh.  I hate that I even put these guys up here, but people liked their music, and although it wasn’t anything that I enjoyed, it wasn’t the generic stupid crap that it was surrounded by.  That’s all I will say about it.

12. Jet – Are You Gonna Be My Girl 
It was a new song, it was catchy, and I liked the guitars.  It may not be anything super amazing or music changing, but it was good enough.

13. The Killers – Mr. Brightside
I wasn’t really a fan of this song either, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t terrible.  I mean, I can think of a ton of other songs I’d rather not listen to than this one.

15. Blink 182 – All the Small Things
Meh, what’s to say about Blink 182?  This song a was nice mix of Pop and Rock.  I probably wouldn’t have put it on my list, but VH1 didn’t give me much to work with.

15. Fountains of Wayne – Stacy’s Mom
I don’t know…  This song gives me that warm and squishy feeling that only 80’s music can give me.


Honorable Mentions
U2 – Beautiful Day
Pink – Get the Party Started
Foo Fighters – Best of You
Bruce Springsteen – The Rising
Greenday – American Idiot

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