You Can’t Handle The Truth

You’ve Upset Baby Bieber!

So, perhaps you may have heard the latest Earth shattering news?  Justin Bieber is a whiny brat!  Normally I don’t even concern myself with that kind of crappy music, much less people, but for some reason when I was browsing through headlines of articles to read, I felt compelled to read the story about Bieber getting his diaper in a wad.  If you haven’t heard about it yet, let me summarize it for you:

Some radio guy (who, by the way, sounded WAY to excited to be talking with a teenage boy) said he thought when he first listened to some crappy song by Bieber that is was Timberlake.  Baby Bieber didn’t like that and started to pout.  Then the radio guy makes a joke about some dude named Harry dating Bieber’s mom.  Bieber apparently didn’t like that and then said that the radio guy need not concern himself with that, and instead should be more worried about his own mother. The radio guy responded with the trump-card of, “my mom’s dead”.  Ouch.  We’re going to need some PR here, STAT!  The funny part is that Baby Bieber had actually already made that very joke.  The other funny part is that the Bieb’s mom is hideous.  And the creepy part is that he thinks his mom is hot.

If you’re interested in hearing some of the interview, check out this YouTube video from some dumb Hollywood site hosted by some blonde moron.

Justin Bieber pisses me off, for a multitude of reasons, none less than his continued destruction of the radio waves and the ears of humanity.  But after this little shenanigan, he’s jumped up to #2 on my mainstream hatelist.  Everybody has given their opinion on this situation so I might as well, too.  In fact, I’m going to write it in the form of a letter, hoping that someway, somehow, Justin Bieber actually reads it.

Dear Justin,

Hey, what’s up bro!  I heard about your radio interview.  That’s some crazy stuff, right?  I mean, who the hell does this radio guy think he is, comparing you to Justin Timberlake?
I mean, for reals!  Just because you guys are both puppets of mainstream radio, molded, sculpted, dressed, and produced in the same way, play similar crappy Pop music, and  act like
you, and not Leo Di Caprio, are King of the world is no excuse to confuse you with Justin Timberlake!  The nerve of some people!  Right, bro?

But totally for reals now, bro, you need to chillax.  #1, it sounds like you’re mad someone didn’t think of you first and instead thought of a different Justin.  #2, it kinda sounds like you’re
a whiny baby.  It was a compliment, bro.  The appropriate response is to say, “oh, that’s cool man.  It’s nice to know what my fans are thinking” rather than saying, no way man!  I’m totally not
like him at all – our voices are totally different!  I get that you’re 18 and you’re still in that Me, Me, Me, I, I, I phase, but it’s really time to grow up.

Oh ya, and about the “yo mamma” joke – dude, you made the exact same joke!  You can’t get pissed off about that because you already said it!  Wait, was that what pissed you off?  He said the joke and didn’t ask for your permission?  Again, this whole thing has made you look pretty babyish, and hopefully you can grow some balls quick enough to actually come out with an apology.  Ya, I think you owe it to that creepy radio guy.

Oh, and next time you throw a hissy fit over the phone and you decide to hang up, at least act like you’re going through a tunnel or something.  Again, that’s pretty childish of you.

Don’t worry too much about it though, bro.  I’m sure everyone will forget soon enough.

Keep being totally unique and original and not at all like Justin Timberlake!


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